i feel like this is the one place where you cant see the pain that im going through and how much you’ve affect me. from the beginning, til now, we’ve changed. both of us. no longer the people we used to be; no longer interact the way we used to a year back.

i remember us. the people we used to be. laughing together, helping each other and comforting each other in times of need. we’d always be there for each other no matter what and we never failed to be at each other’s side. we never let any petty little fight break us, even though there were many of them. over a period of time, things seemed to turn around in the opposite way. our fights would be more serious, more impacting. our laughter and being beside each other died down and we began to talk to each other less and less.

I never expected this of us: to become like this. 

this year hasnt been exactly great to me but i had hoped that you were the one thing i wasnt going to screw up; the one thing i could hold on to and not have to worry about. I know i can be a horrible person. i know i dont deserve someone like you because you can do so much better, and youre probably better off without me. i feel like we’ve pushed each other to the edge, and that soon someones bound to fall. someones going to break. one of us wont be able to take it anymore.  whether its you or me we’re not headed in a good direction.

But at the same time i feel hopeless, useless and not in control. my emotions and my mind give in to letting things be the way they are, and i don’t have the courage to change that-to turn things around and to keep them from going downhill.

the pressure and stress of everything this year, including you are making me break.  sounds cliche, but i feel like im falling apart. and now, i don’t even have your shoulder to cry on or your words to comfort me when all these crazy things are going on around me. not even a hug to tell me everythings going to be alright.

maybe im exaggerating. maybe to you its not really this big of a deal. maybe im just being a drama queen. 

Whatever happens between us, i wont deny that you were an amazing person to get to know and that i wont ever forget how you’ve changed me, for better or for worse. 

(ok that last line was kinda cheesy. but its true.)

theres no denying thats true. 

especially now.

(Source: inner-resource)